They asked
“Is this ready to send to hiring managers?”

Your question changes the critique. Ask about readiness, trust, hierarchy, usability—or the thing you cannot quite name yet.
First Read
Almost. The first screen gives a recruiter the product, your role, and strong outcomes, but it still makes them open the case study to understand the decision you personally drove.
Your one priority move
Name the decision behind the result.
Replace the generic project summary with one sentence that connects a decision you owned to one of the outcomes already shown.
One thing working
The opening already gives a hiring manager the project, role, timeline, and measurable impact in one scan.
Ready enough when
A hiring manager can identify what you owned, what changed, and why it mattered without reaching the process section.
